TONIGHT I CALL IT A DRAW

Every night I go to bed, I contemplate.
As I grow older, I have more to think about. I guess it is normal.
So when I heard this song, it was like listening to the song in my head.

Different people interpret this track differently; I too have my own interpretation and I relate to it more differently ...

Some say it's about the singer's relationship with his career in music, using war as a metaphor.
Some say it's about his relationship with his parents...

If you ask me, each paragraph/verse stands on its own.
Each tells a different story, although indirectly connected...that's how I relate. I think this song almost accurately describe my feelings and thoughts at this stage of my life, so when I sing it, I feel the lyrics.

People think I am crazy but when I love a song, or when I sing a song, I try my best to relate and put myself in the singer's thoughts and feelings. Because only then, you truly feel the essence of the song; and that's what make that track special. That's what music it is all about and what it is created for. And one day, I will produce music that I can feel.

I hope you love  this song as much as I do and I hope you can relate to it in your own special way.


Some nights I stay up
Cashing in my bad luck
Some nights I call it a draw
Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights I wish they'd just fall off

When things didn't go well that day, you tend to lie in bed and think about what you could have done right or how could just be bad luck. Some days, when good things too happened, you call it a draw because it made up for all the sad stuff.
(So tonight, I call it a draw actually)

His line about lips building a castle, I guess for me it means that sometimes, I am happy that I can talk to almost anyone; I can carry on conversations quite well...but because I don't have a filtering system sometimes, I tend to blurt out the wrong things (especially when stressed), at the wrong time. Hence, my lips - I really don't know if I hate or love them.

But I still wake up,
I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for,
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights,
I don't know anymore
Oh...whoa...whoa....oh

At this point in life, I try to take it a day at a time - I wake up every morning, although trust me, you don't know how much I just don't want to. The "ghost" to me are all the negativity - the insecurities and troubles that I try to rid.
But I still wake up to face all these - one step at a time, I guess.

Sometimes, I ask God, what's the meaning of life then? What am I made for? Yes, what do I stand for...last time I was vibrant, I used to know what I wanted to be, and what I wanted to do.
But yes, life got the better of me; it was too overwhelming, and so now, just like the song say, I don't know anymore.

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?

Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,
But here they come again to jack my style

War is going against peace. For me, it means going against the norm. Risk is war. So, are you ready to go against the conventional and follow your heart. Clearly I only followed half my heart, and half my brains; and I don't even know which part is from the heart and which is from the brain.

I was never the one who like to fight (yes, I don't believe in the hype) - I go with the flow and I run away. But, can I do that? So I started to fight, and stand up for things I believe in - I try, but what I got was just judgments.So now, I'm half as liked I guess...

And that's alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight

She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, 
Oh who am I? Mmm...mmm...

I don't have someone but sometimes I have Stylo to talk too...

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost

Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for...
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know... (Come on)

Some nights when I can't get through, I call up my friends.
I'm really glad that I do have friends though...those who are true to me and who gets me in a way.
They don't need to say much - they were just there. So those are the nights that I won...knowing gratefully that I have people who loves me. Yea, but then again, some nights my thoughts still wander...

So this is it? 
I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mum and dad for this?

(Come on)


This part of the song is when a decision was made - and then, you doubt your decision. Have you felt like this before? I believe if I had chose to leave my 'parents', I will sing this part painfully as I struggle.
But then again, it is part of the journey of learning and making life interesting. Every road taken will have a bump here or there...so sometimes we wonder if we had made the right choice or sacrifice.

No..

When I see the stars,
When I see, that's all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on 
Oh come on...oh come on, oh COME ON!

Well, that is it guys, that is all

Five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this
I'm not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home
Sorry to leave, mum
I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

Yes, I am the type who gets bored easily. When I have nothing exciting to do, or when I am sick of it, I will want to find an exit. Maybe that's why one have to leave their safe haven....

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love"
When I look into my nephew's eyes
Man, you wouldn't the most amazing things that can come from...
Some terrible lies...ahhh

Oh whoa, oh whoa....


This is a random addition...sometimes, when you are down, you think of others - others who could be in a worst position than you, but they go through it.
And lies - sometimes, they help you go through life. Try lying to yourself that things will get better - perhaps it just will.

The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance...

It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance...

When you think a relation should end...
Be it friendship or relationship; you just know that distance is the solution.
So you go for it and find your own new adventure. :)

At the end of the day, perhaps it is normal to question your existence in this world.
We just need to learn to stop thinking too much and stop the 'war', because who likes war, right?

I think his mouth is sexy in this video...hahaha...what do you think?

One cover of the song that I like

Love,
TammyC





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