THE F WITH LIFE

A friend had a bad day today. My day wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that great because of some idiot.

But listening to my friend go through what I went through when I first started, I've realised how much I've grown too. Listening to my friend makes me realised that everyone goes through the same S*** and we all want to quit at some point in life. Listening to my friend makes me feel normal.

We feel misunderstood for being lazy because we don't know certain things.

We try to learn, but we don't know where to start. If we ask too much, we are worried that others think we are incompetent. If we don't ask, we suffer in silence and we feel stupid, trying to grasp as much knowledge as we can through observation and by listening. If we talk to much, we come off as cocky and arrogant; if we don't, it's like we didn't contribute.

What the F is this life?

Well, we might think alike, but there will be people out there who doesn't. They won't understand. They are on the other end. And one day, we might be on the other end. When that day comes, I hope that I remember what I am going through now, and will be able to be there for that person.

And then, there are some people out there with the need to put others down to feel superior.

I have met my fair share of such idiots and to be frank, it is sickening and they don't know it.

I wouldn't say that I don't commit such crime sometimes, but I am telling you from the bottom of my heart, I don't do it to put others down. I just don't like them hahaha! 

I realised that I have a different view about life now. I've learned to see things differently through my 3 years of working and also, I've listened to valuable some advise from the wise. 

I am not sure if it is for the better - but I can tell you, my philosophy to go through now is to not give a damn anymore.

Yeah...Seriously, when I fight for something, I always think that you should be happy because that means I have something burning in me that keeps me going. So, when I don't give a damn anymore, I really won't give a damn. But remember - when I am not fighting, it could mean two things -  it is not worth fighting for anymore or that I admit my mistake.

And if I don't fight, it does not that I don't dare to, it's just that I don't want to. Perhaps that's better. At least it keeps me quiet. I have time to think more thoroughly, and patiently wait for my opportunity to do the things I love.

I miss my fire and I am glad, I can slowly channel it to something else - something to call my own.

Another thing is that it tires me when I feel that people are offended by what I say, and that's me being honest. The point is, they don't even get what I mean and they try to deduce a conclusion based on their own understanding, which isn't really what I mean...It is bloody tiring. I can't be living to make everyone happy ok!

Dealing with 'females' is tiring! To be honest, I am not as patient as I like to be, and I am the type who can really not care about respecting those who doesn't deserve my respect. Sometimes, I can be really fearless - I'm a Leo. Remember that...I'm a combo of gentle Rabbit and the fearless King of the Jungle. 

People say that I am crazy because I live in my own world - I laugh at my own thoughts and I love my own things. The truth is, I am happier to have an alternate reality, because reality sucks. And the reason why I can still smile and laugh everyday, and embrace life is because at the end of everyday, I have my false reality to fall back to. 

I thank God I have the ability to live in a sacred fantasy. It keeps me sane and going.

It is sad, but sometimes, it gives me hope.

Tonight, my friend, F it and smile! 

Love and Cheers,

TammyC