WHEN YOU THINK TOO MUCH

Life is all about reading body languages and hints and guessing how others perceive the situation so that you can plan your next line or move when dealing with that person.

Isn't that a tad annoying? - To have to learn to read every single sign that has been delivered by the other person be it via body language or the words they say pertaining to a situation.

As much as I love analysing personalities and characters, sometimes, it is a kinda sickening habit.

And I really hate that I, myself is so transparent. 

I seriously wish I had a pokerface so that no one can guess what I am thinking, how I am feeling or what my next step is. I can't believe I am saying this, but being the 'expressionless' Bella isn't at all a bad thing. At least I won't have people knowing what's running through my mind.

I also hate having to mull and think over what are the wrong words or actions that I've said or done earlier. It sucks that every word and action comes with consequences and I am the type who spends SO MUCH TIME ANALYSING THEM!

Bloody hell Tammy...

You need to free your brain from worrying about what others think and also trying to figure out what others body language or words indicate.

Won't bring you far.

Today is one of those days where I feel like nothing went right.

When I feel like I made all the wrong decisions, say all the wrong things and do all the wrong stuff.

And it is days like these that I can't move on because I will have thoughts lingering ALL OVER MY BRAIN! My mind will be full of activities and I suffer! Why do I think about irrelevant things so much??!! 

The biggest problem I have now is that I am angry with myself.

I really feel so. I'm mutating into a person that I don't really like and to be honest, I don't know how I can change, or what I can do about it.

If I could let go so easy, then my problem would be solved.

You see, I'm bounded by one thing, and I believe, one thing only - PASSION. 

Passion is the most important thing in life - without it, there's really nothing...so when passion fades, so will everything else...

What's holding me now is passion; something still worthy (although I am not sure what) for me to move on and continue the journey...

When it fades...

I shall let go. 

And find a new passion. 

That's basically what the life is all about I guess.

Meaningful or meaningless, it's a path that I need to force my way through.

I believe there will be great things at the final destination.

I just need to get there...

Without thinking too much.

My new philosophy that I will try to adopt is:

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN because you don't deserve my best!"