NOWs & THENs

So here I am, sipping wine at 2.30am in the morning, trying to wash away those mind-bongling bubbles known as 'thoughts' with red liquid. If 'thoughts' do not bug me, 'memories' would say hi.

More importantly, I'm trying my best to string a bunch of words together, as practice and to brush up my writing skills. 

It is not easy because I do not have many topics to write about anymore - hence, it dawn on me that I don't really have a life.

Hmmm....So here's a thought, maybe I can write more about my job in future because my whole life now practically revolves around it.

It is funny what I've become in just 4 years.

Although I am a thinker (especially at night), I never had sleepless nights like these before when I was in college. I guess the definition of "stress" has changed, especially when you are morphing into an adult. (Some say I've morphed, but seriously, a 25-year-old who still jumps around like bunny and sometimes doing/saying brainless stuff without gate-keeping is not how you'd defined a grown-up. I find myself  kinda pathetic that way, you have no idea.)

Since I'm caught in an 'awake' mode today, I've listed down some NOWs and THENs that I keep thinking about. It's not healthy but sometimes, I call this reminiscing hahaha.

THEN:

Baby-T and jeans...

NOW:

High-heels and office wear (though I am grateful that I can still sometimes, ok, most of the time dress casual)

THEN:

Thinking of which lectures to skip just so I can finish up my assignments.

NOW:

No skipping work policy

No time for MC

THEN:

"Don't give a f*** about life" - No consequence and even if there is, I'm the only one bearing it

NOW:

A whole chain of things that will sprout out as a result of your one single action, or word - affecting the lives of 100s related participants.

(Too much to take for a seemingly almost 25-year-old with the mentality of a 15-year-old school girl!)

THEN:

Don't know how to do assignments? - Crap and wish for a "NO FAIL"

NOW:

Don't know how to do the job? - Crap and stressed over how you will be screwed.

THEN:

Act lame, be lame and laugh at lameness

NOW:

Act lame, be lame and get laughed at (If you are lucky people will see you as a joker. some sees you as immature and wants you to grow up)

THEN: 

Dislike someone? Avoid contact.

NOW:

No choice, suck it up Tammy and deal with it!

THEN:

Not enough movies to quench my thirst for a blast of Hollywood 

NOW:

I don't even know what is showing on the cinema

But I believe there's only one thing about me that hasn't change since my younger days: - it is my long hair muahaha.

Growing up is challenging.

I might not get it today, but I am hoping I will look back, and actually enjoy this shit.

There is a certain amount of freedom and privilege that I enjoy now and not when I was 18.

My journey in my 20s has been friggin' rough so far, mainly due to the fact that I am getting pretty emotionally and stupid and selfish.

Oooo but I am super proud that I have cried lesser, as compared to 2011. (Ya, that's me saying only one month in 2012 hahaha)

I am trying to revive the Tammy that I used to know - like how Dean Winchester has been resurrected from his death.

All sunshines and limited rains. And even when it rains, I danced in it muahaha.

To the good life people..

Cheers,

Tammy

p/s: alcohol should make me sleepy, right?