IN PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Music, always music. That's the only way to get away from the real world. The best way to express myself and to relate to life. Music makes me feel that I am not alone - that there are others out there who feel the same way.

Music inspires me because I learn about others, and their struggles. And I will remember, that I have it good; and that I just need to fight on.

The first few beat of Leessang's "Pursuit of Happiness" is melancholic, yet, fiery in spirit. It is a song with Leessang's signature music style - full of soul. 

The thing is, when people describe Leessang's music, they use the term Hip Hop and Pop, but I'd say it is a genre of its own, I call it "Soul".

These few days, I am feeling a new song I found by Leessang. My bro told me about it. We both love Leessang. And yes, I know now why he recommended "The Pursuit of Happiness".

After waking up at 3PM, my body is heavy

I did a lot last night

Recorded for 20 hours, haven't really eaten properly

And my insides are burning out

It's okay, the track turned out well 

My passion that I poured out in this tiny space

Soon it will bring me fame and money, as it always has

So I can't rest,

Not a day, not a minute 

If a great song is produced

Even if my body wastes away, I don't care

Even if I get a mental disease

If a good track is produced,

I don't care if I go crazy

The legend of this era

The acknowledgement of everyone, the "Big Brother" of music

These words are far from me but I scrunch up and write lyrics all night

I open my own door of happiness

This verse reminds me of one word "passion"

Gary reminded me of how passion can drive me crazy till wee hours; when I love my a project or what I do, nothing can stop me. I remember once when I was in college, my team mates and I, we worked non-stop for 5 days to finish editing for our project. We were exhausted, we couldn't eat but we persevered because we loved what we were doing despite the frustrations. To be frank, that was one of the happiest moments of my life. Even working on other assignments, it was all pure pleasure despite stress. It was all because of passion - it made it bearable. All my projects and clients, whom I enjoyed working with, I can work non-stop for them, even till late nights.

We were not the best, but we were happy doing what we did. Like Gary said, he is not recognised as a huge star yet, no, but he opened his own door of happiness by doing the things he loves - writing. 

At this moment, I know that I am without passion. Because I do not fight till late nights anymore, unless it is for blogs or music videos or Running Man or ONE Championship. Pathetic - but yes, how does one go on without a burning fire? I am still trying to figure it out.

Passion, it is so important. I need to get back to that time when working long hours wasn't a drag. The time when I was asked to do something, I'd have this fire burning inside me and my head saying "Yes, I'm so up for this one." Perhaps, I wasn't made for this all along. Perhaps, it's a sign to go back to where I belonged.

I want to be like Gary again - to work so hard that you think you will go crazy but at the end of the day, feel like it is all worth it because you are happy. To feel that you do not need anything else, but just be able to do that one thing. For me - it is to "meet people", "learn" and "express".

On my pursuit of happiness,

I flew for a long time

So all the shrunken things can put on a smile

On my pursuit of happiness,

I endured for a long time

So that someday, everything will shine

Another beautifully crafted bridge. A reminder that finding what you love most, or what makes you the most happy takes time. I know from Gary's songs that he is one of those hardworking guys who was not able to find a direction at first, but drifts along until he finds what he wants. At this point in life, I can so relate to that, it is so unbelievable!

Even if sometimes, everything disappears like the beginning (disappears)

Even if everything of me seems pathetic (someday) 

Sometimes I do feel like I have nothing; like everything just goes haywire again. But I shall forever remember that all these are just temporary setbacks.

While watching Gil, who appeared on variety programmes before me

My mother was envious and asked "Why don't you do it with him?"

I still remember her eyes,

Filled with concern that she might have hurt my feelings

I'm over thirty years old but in front of my mother, I'm still a child

Maybe that was the biggest reason why I chose to do variety shows

Now my heart is at rest,

People tell me how much I've grown

Yes, some people may bash me but my parents are happy, that's all that matters

What more do I need?

I'm always an island outside my house

I won't forget the pride of my parents and engrave it in my heart

Whenever I go home, I see the shoes I bought them are still new

Please stop saving them up and just wear them,

Open the door of Happiness

I love the way talks about his parents and this really shows how filial he is. I, to be honest, am not anywhere close to him. I shall learn to be a better daughter.

In this marathon called life, our paths might be different and even if we live insufficiently

We live with the fun of filing it up and though there's a lot of hardships

Get to know the taste of enduring it and take one more step

"Why is my life like this?"

Those words are just excuses

Don't give up so easily on this game called life

So when you close your eyes in this world

You can open your last door of happiness without any regrets

I take this verse as one of the most meaningful advice in life. These few years were not fun for me, emotionally - hormones are bitches. The Tammy five years ago, wouldn't give a shit about being depressed or sad like this. She saw life in rainbow colours; explaining to people about how wonderful life is. I wish I knew the me back then. I wish I could go back - and yes, I am going to find back who I were before!

Now it is an emotional rollercoaster ride, really. At times, I really don't want to move on with life. Can you imagine? Only twenty-five and already tired. Though I never blamed anyone or anything or God for anything. I still love a lot of things in my life - just sometimes, depressed with the many emotional and social challenges.

But I really admire how Gary sees it. That life is about enduring and tasting these hardships, and more importantly, it is to learn how to fulfill your own happiness. Truly brilliant. I am still not 100% carefree and happy yet, but I will work towards finding back my passion and yes, be a person who only talks about the beautiful things in life. So that, like Gary said, when I die, I will open the last door of Happiness - Heaven, Nirvana, or just a peaceful place by the beach.

Kang Gary,

You are truly a poet. I have admired many songwriters, but for now, you are at the top.

I love how your words and lyrics convey so much about you and your life - your humility, your insecurities and your struggles in finding yourself, just like every other person in the world. I love how he just describes his normal days, like writing an essay, or a story, but in a song.

But you should know that you are a blessing to us all because of your music and lyrics. 

And I love you on Running Man!

Thank you for inspiring. I shall continue to pursue my happiness and dreams...

I have made up my mind.