NOTE TO SELF

This is a letter that I am writing to my 25 year old self because, she cried the most and needed my support the most. She is uncertain and adulthood isn't the easiest journey for her. So she needed this. And today, I hope to be someone different, someone who doesn't bring her down, who gives her a boost and to remind her that she is just human. 

Dear Tammy, 

You've had a rough 3 years.

They said it is normal, but yes, at this time, you didn’t get it. 

I am not sure if you’ll get it in another 10 or 20 years time, but I sure hope that we do in that time. 

At this point, life has been hard. 

Yes, because, you are riding on the low side of the rollercoaster…slowly gaining momentum to go up again. 

Girl, 

You don’t need to try to get everything about life to move on. You just need to hang in there. 

Maybe there are times you feel misunderstood. 

But you know that most of the time, you are just feeling so blessed that, you don’t know why you are so lucky. You know that you are so lucky to have all the awesome people around you… 

And yet, you still found reasons to be negative, and feel sad. 

But hey, 

Girl, you’re only human. 

Your saving grace is your emotions, and feelings. 

And at this stage in life, you are affected with a lot of hormonal changes, and a lot of new things are out there to be discovered. 

You used to see the world differently – you were full of hope, but now, you are full of negativity – full of doubts and insecurities. 

Tammy, 

You don’t need to feel this way. 

You don’t need to hate yourself. 

You don’t need to feel the need to be accepted by everyone. 

You need to get used to being invisible. 

Because sometimes, that is the best thing that could happen to you. 

You need to stop giving yourself excuses. You've been strong before. And you can be again. You know what you have to work on, and I want you to remember these few things that are your striking weaknesses and also the lessons that I feel you should learn.  

· Pokerface 

Stop living with your heart on your sleeves. You don’t need to let people know how you feel and so, learn to control your emotions and facial expressions. Maintain that constant smile on your face and learn to face the world with that upward arch permanently tattooed on your face no matter what. It’s not hard , you are good at that before, weren’t you? Since when did tears become your thing? 

· Stop Talking so much and don’t complain to those whom you don't trust

Sometimes, being quiet is the best thing. No one really cares about your comments anyway, so why talk? If you were a better listener, you’d be 1000000 times more successful. And remember, not everything is about you, so do learn to get others talking instead of just talking. 

And you don’t need to say too much to people around you about how difficult your life is. Everyone has issues…unless they ask, don’t share! 

Of course close confidants would know you well enough to know that you are just venting and these people you know, will always be there with their shoulders and ears. Find these friends and for those who are not, just   be a reflection of yourself in front of them. You do not need to show your true self. 

· Learn to lose, you don’t always need to make a stand for what you think is right 

You can’t always win. You can’t always be right. You might think that your idea is awesome but if others don’t appreciate it, no problem. Why be upset? I think you are actually slowly getting the hang of this. But you just need to work on your facial expression and be more relaxed on your mind. You are still very much affected with dissatisfaction that what you like/think is good is not good. 

You have no problem standing up for yourself sometimes, and that’s why you tend to overdo it. Learn to control yourself! 

· Take your time, don’t rush things 

You always want to be efficient and fast. Hence, you rush through things. And because you are far from being a perfectionist, a lot of your materials come out as something that has not been thought through, when in fact, you could have already spent hours on it. Of course I understand why you rush; because sometimes, even after hours spent on thinking, you might not have the best inspirations too. And also, sometimes, you don’t have the luxury of time. But understand that QUALITY sometimes supersedes SPEED. So learn to think it through even if you are pressed for time. Which leads me to your next lesson. 

· Learn to be more in-depth in thinking 

· You don’t have to be overly stressed about things that you can’t control 

You love to cry when you are unable to settle certain issues, mainly because you have no control of the outcome and you are worried. 

Think: so many other things can happen to screw it, and if you’ve done your best, you don’t need to be stressed. 

· Don’t feel guilty if you are not doing more than the rest 

You know that you are always able to do a lot of different things at one time and you don’t need to feel the need to prove it. Everyone needs to feel important, and most people would want to take on more things. 

You don’t need to do everything… 

You don’t need to tell people that you can do everything, even if you know you could. You just do what you need to do. Perhaps being a dog really is the best way to live life. Just do what you are told to do and follow. 

And if you love doing it, then do more of it. 

· Don’t blame yourself if your idea is not the best 

· If you dislike someone, just dislike them; you don’t have to feel obliged to learn to like them, just learn to accept them. 

Well, try your best to avoid conversation. That’s the best thing to do and you are quite good at it to avoid. I still think that’s the best.

But remember, be compassionate. Try to understand that person although you don't like him/her. 

· You are paid to learn, not to work 

· Keep searching for the things you love. DO NOT LET YOUR PASSION DIE! You know you’ll have to find it…and you will. So don’t give up! 

The other Tammy who wants a change.