THE WINNER WHO MADE ME CRY

A Hot shower and a cup of coffee...

The perfect way to chill...

It's 2AM and I'm trying to put my thoughts together and lay them words down in this white virtual canvas.

Today (technically yesterday), thanks to a great friend Alexis, I had a chance to bring my mum to the Golden Awards organised by NTV7. She had wanted to go for a long time, and she had been anticipating the chance to meet all the stars that she had seen on TV. 

Well, to give you an idea of what the award is all about, well, let's just say that if in the US, one has the Grammy Awards and the Golden Globes to look forward to, I guess the closest we have in Malaysia for the local Chinese drama scene is The Golden Awards, which is held every two years.

Frankly, I'm no fan of local TV dramas, very sorry, and this really shouldn't come from an ex-broadcast student. But I cannot deny that our local Chinese TV industry has really come a long way. The NTV7 dramas really deserve credits because they still manage to play their roles as entertainment for a niche group of audience - housewives and family. These programmes, I believe, still serve as an activity/reason for family members to unite.

Tonight, I wasn't impressed with the dazzle and the glitz and glamour of Award shows.

What captured my attention most was a special tribute segment for a few of the stars who had recently passed away. 

This is a story about a guy named Leslie Chai. 

I know him, but he doesn't know me.

He is one of the local celebrities that I like.

Recently, he lost his wife to breast cancer. And because I subscribed to him on Facebook, I sometimes see a lot of his statuses talking about his wife.

And his words are really not those superficial, fake and lame ones that you get from some celebrities. One can really feel his love towards his wife and everytime I read a status, I can feel his pain and how badly he misses his wife.

So when Leslie deservingly won the Most Popular Actor award, we were all very happy for him. Because he did well in the drama, and more importantly also because I feel he needed a win. He is naturally a quiet guy (and I guess that's why he loved his cheerful wife so much) and so his speech was really short.

Mr. Leslie Chai Ker Lik (Winner of the Most Popular Actor Awards) and my mum who is so in love with him right now. Very humble and nice guy...

And although they gave him more time for his speech, he kept it real short. And all he said was this "I usually give my awards to my mum, but today, I will give this to my wife. I love you." He didn't cry, although I know that deep inside, he already had. And with that, I cried on behalf of him. 

The thing is, I'm a person who cannot be idealistic in love. I really don't believe in real love and faithfulness because many people today do not respect a relationship anymore. I don't trust guys and sometimes, I am also very disappointed with girls who fool around. I don't cry watching romantic movies or dramas because I know those are all screenplays and scriptwriting - those are fake! Those actors and actresses are playing a role and they themselves fool around and change partners every other year.

But tonight I cried because for one, I know this is real and this man in front of us is a man who loves his wife so dearly; so much so that he just can't talking about her even after she had left.

I can only imagine the pain of missing someone so much and won't be able to see her again. 

For that Mr. Leslie Chai, I salute you. Thanks for a beautiful and true love story.

I don't know if you will find love again but I know you wouldn't want to because you love her too much. 

During the tribute segment tonight, I really couldn't hold back my tears.

I think the choice of song was brilliant - "Wo Ai Ta" (I Love Him/Her) by Ding Dang. This is one of my favourite songs and after tonight, I will love it even more. Because after tonight, their love story will forever be captured in the melody of this tune.

A snippet of the Tribute Performance

In a way, the lyrics also aptly describe their love story...

So today's post will be about this song.

Ta de qing kuang liu zai

His presence still lingers

Mou yi jie che xiang

In a certain train carriage

Di xia tie li de fong

The wind from the train

Bi hui yi hai zhong

Is heavier than memories

Zheng zuo cheng shi yi zhi deng zhe wo

The entire city is waiting for me

You yi duan gan qing huan zai piao bo 

As there is still a love relationship flowing around

Dui ta wei yi yi han

My only regrets towards him

Shi fen shou na tian

Is on the day of the break-up

Wo ben teng de yen lei

My stubborn tears

Dou ting bu xia lai

Won't stop falling

Ruo na yi ke chong lai wo bu ku

If that moment could repeat itself, I won't cry

Rang ta zhi dao wo ke yi hen hao

So that I can let him know that I can be fine

Wo ai ta

I love him

Hong hong lie lie zui fong kuang

So powerful, so strong, so passionate

Wo de meng

My dreams

Hen hen sui guo que bu hui wang

Were harshly shattered, yet I won't forget

Ceng wei ta

I have once

Xiang xin ming tian jiu shi wei lai

Believed that tomorrow is the future with him

Qing jie you duo huai

No matter how bad the situation

Dou be ken xing lai

I couldn't wake up (in other words, I wouldn't accept the truth)

Wo ai ta

I love him

Die die zhuang zhuang dao jue wang

Falling and crashing towards hopelessness

Wo de xin

My heart

Shen shen sang guo que bu hui wang

Was deeply hurt, yet I won't forget

Wo he ta bu zai shu yu zhe ge di fang

He and I no longer belong in this place

Zui chu de tian tang

The initial paradise

Zui zong de huang tang

Has become ridiculous

Ru guo hai you yi han you zen mo yang ne

Even if I have regrets, what can I do

Shang le, tong le, dong le

I've been hurt and I've learned

Jiu neng hao le ma

But would that mean I'll be fine?

Ceng jing yi kao bi ci de jian bang

We once leaned on each others' shoulders

Ru jin ge zi zai ren hai liu lang

Today, we are individuals separated in the large ocean of people

Wo ai ta

I love him

Hong hong lie lie zui fong kuang

So powerful, so strong, so passionate

Wo de meng

My dreams

Hen hen sui guo que bu hui wang

Were harshly shattered, yet I won't forget

Tao bu kai ai yue shen yue hu xian shang hai

We can't escape that the deeper the love, the deeper we hurt each other

Yue shen de yi lai, yue duo de kong bai

The deeper we rely on each other, there will be more white blanks

Gai zhen muo qu ai

How am I supposed to love?

Although the song is like a breakup song, but if we sing it in Leslie's context, we can really feel the song describing the lost of someone you loved.

And how deeply you have loved that someone.

When you are with a person you love, you think of building a future together and living life together.

But when that person leaves, for whatever the reason, "shattered" would be the word to use.

What you once have, would all be just memories. And that's just it....

And that, you will try to preserve it, maybe in just a song or by looking through photos; although you know that you will not be able to relive it again.

And all you can do is...move on.

My favourite line in the song is:

Ruo na yi ke chong lai wo bu ku

If that moment could repeat itself, I won't cry

Rang ta zhi dao wo ke yi hen hao

So that I can let him know that I can be fine

Because, we always try to be happy for the people we love.

And we promise them that even if they are not with us anymore, we want to stay happy, so that they won't be sad, wherever they are.

And that is how we promise to live, or perhaps, that's what will help us to continue on with our live, despite our lost.

I salute you Mr. Leslie.

You deserve respect because you showed us what real love is and that a real man will only need one woman to love.

Because of you, your wife gets to live eternally, in everyone's memories...

If I am lucky enough, I'd find someone like you.

Thanks for teaching us that it is worth loving. 

I wish you all the best in life.

Love,

TammyC