HER LAST SMILE (I COULDN'T HOLD BACK TEARS)

I couldn't hold back tears

When I saw her smile

It was all that matters

Being there for her, even if it is just for awhile

I can't do much

Just wish I could do more

But I felt weak compare to her

For I couldn't hold back the tears

This strong woman has no fears

At least that's how she appears

For when her loved ones are near

She gave the biggest smile

One that I will not forget

Because that was the most beautiful

And probably her last

Before her final breath the next day

I wonder what she was thinking then

For there were words she couldn't speak

I can only hope if that there were words

It would be about how happy she was

And how she saw a glimpse of the wonderful place that she was going to

A place where she and grandpa will unite again

A beginning and not the end

Looking back

Everything happened so fast

We have lost her

But...

I will forever remember that smile

A smile that brought tears to my eyes

Not because the thought of her leaving is sad

But because it was the most pure and beautiful thing one could ever feel

I realise now that God never takes anyone away completely

Because He will always leave a piece of the person we love behind

In the form of a beautiful memory

And sometimes, that might just be enough

This is written in loving memory of my Grandma.

I wrote the first part of this poem on the last day I saw her. I never completed it because on the next day, 5th February, she left us to be with Grandpa and God.

She carved her most beautiful smile the day before she died. And I know, she smiled so that we will all feel better and happier. Somehow, looking back, I think it was a goodbye. 

She is such a selfless woman, for she always put others first before herself. No matter how hard it was for her when she was battling Cancer, I felt that whatever she did, her thoughts were to make life simpler for others. I think she fought mostly because of all of us - her children and grandchildren.

I still remember that time she forced herself to eat, just so we could eat. That time she sat up for us in the wheelchair, despite feeling nauseated.

I can only imagine how tough it was for her during her last few months. No one deserve to die a painful Cancerous death, especially not Grandma, but I am glad all of us got to spend a lot of time with her during this period. Looking back, this experience was bittersweet.

My parents and aunts were all rock stars during this period. They demonstrated to us all the meaning of love and care.

To my Grandma, I hope you are now in a happier place together with Grandpa. Thank you for all the years of care and love and for all the memories. We will be happy and are happy now because of what you gave us - love.

Grandma, when she was healthy, and yes, DRINKING BEER! We will forever remember the good times with her.

I still remember that time we all camwhored with grandma...it was New Year a few years back!