SO SMALL YET SO BIG
My hormonal changes at my mid-20s have yet to cease and have been holding me emotionally hostage since 2 years ago and right now, I am still struggling against insecurities among many other things. Hence, I am experiencing a lot more down time that I am proud of. I feel like I mature so much slower than others, and right now, I feel like I am only going through my "teenage" phase. Damn!
Hence I am always digging for songs that can help me feel better and I have always loved this track by Carrie Underwood. This song is super inspirational and has helped me through so many tough times, I just can't recall. Its lyrics help change my perspective and remind me of what is most important in life. I spend a lot of time focusing on the wrong things sometimes and I like a good reminder.
This song is "So Small" but ironically big enough to capture so much of my emotions and help me overcome a lot of challenges.
The kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
At the end of everyday, you'll feel most blessed when you feel loved. I always do. I always go to bed feeling grateful for the people around me who cares about me, who really loves me... makes my day. I have amazing people around me and sometimes, I really tend to forget how amazing they are to me. I apologise for that and I apologise for the times I feel the need to complain.
It is hard for me to remember that love is the most important thing in life and that I have so much of it from so many people actually makes me the luckiest in the world. I used to be happier because I guess I never really cared but now, I have so many things I worry about - mainly how others see and judge me, and also how good I am. I guess it is the wrong focus and I just wish I could go back to the carefree mentality.
And I wish too that I could love others as much as they love me. I am not kidding but I do find myself selfish at times. I can never love someone without expecting to be loved back. It is wrong I guess - in life, we shouldn't have any expectations of return when we give. When I listen to the second line of the song, I remind myself that I would have to love selflessly and be there for everyone.
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You want to shut the world out and just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith
On days when I am upset, it gets really hard. To a point where I don't think I can go on. It feels like the fall downwards is a never ending spiral. You don't know when you will hit the ground and if you do, you are not sure if you can ever get back up. So hard. And yes, you really wish you can shut off and escape from the world. Go away or something - just leave this troubled space and find some peace. The toughest challenge for me until today is finding faith and believing that things will be better when it seems like it can only get worst.
Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever is in your hands
When you figure out that love is all that matters after all
It makes everything else
Seems so small...
The most beautiful part of the song is the chorus because it is so well written.
We always think that what we are going through is the toughest and we failed to see that compared to others, our challenges are minuscule. Even if it may seem to big for us to handle at that time, sometimes, it really ain't that huge a problem because we already have a solution which we can't see right in front of us. You will learn that what you have focused on all this while is nothing in comparison to the love you get from the people around you. I guess I don't believe that love is the solution to everything, but most of the time, it is love that makes everything worthwhile.
It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you sitting around thinking about what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by
Moving so fast
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back
Yes problems can be overwhelming, especially when we have the wrong focus. It feels like it will end and kill you and you will die or something - sometimes, you wish you literally die! But I guess I love what it says, that we shouldn't waste time worrying about things that one has no control over but start focusing on what can be done instead. Time lost are those you can't get back.
I am like that - I always dwell on things I cannot control. And now I realised that I need to filter my thoughts and categorise it to things that I have control over and things I don't. Still very hard for me but I try. I realised I am improving but I really want to be able to just let go and move on; and the best part is to not care about what others have to say about the things I do. That is the ultimate dream.
Oh well, thought I share this meaningful song since it's been a while.
So much going on at this moment and when I thought I had the worst, it seems like the worst is yet to come. Again negativity. But like September, despite all the bad, I celebrate some good too. And the start of this month was on the high. I am glad that I have some lovely things to focus on - keeps my mind off things a little. Although I still make sure I do not get expectations, I just try to be happy with what I believe I have.
Enjoy and try not to cry watching this video.
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