ARE WE DONE YET JULY 2014?

Another night of random rattles as I wait for July to draw its close. I've said it a million times but July is a bully man. But I guess I am biased.

Anyway I shall leave the bad out of this. I am thankful still for every day this year - the experiences, the travels, the frustration and stress are just part and parcel of life. I hate to be a bitch and I will try not to be.

What I learned in July?

See maybe it is not that bad a month. I got into an accident last week, well, I wasn't hurt but my car was. And it was just a crappy day in general you know. My superior was being a tad very unreasonable due to stress  and everything just piled up on me. I was also going through a very rough July and that night I broke down. I even had an argument with Dad because of the car and the entire incident.

But from that incident, I learned:

# 1 My parents love me

I talked things through with my mum and dad the day after I got enough sleep and it was a great chat for me. I know how much my parents love me but that day, how my mum explained my dad's love for us made me cry. I am embarrassed that I make my parents worry about me so much because I never share my problems with them. My dad feels that I am carrying all my burdens on my own, which I do because I never really want to bother them. But honestly, I feel that I burden them a lot too because I am still, well, kid-like sometimes. I am trying to find a balance here, you know.

I was angry at myself because I often put my job first and that day for once, I just screwed my email and I just sat down and talked with my dad.

#2 Ann Osman is cool

You know, she is like a big sister to me sometimes. She listens. She is strong. I know Ann Osman goes through crap in life too as a girl, people judge her in many ways but the thing about Ann is, I don't think people see her sorrows. But when she talks to me and advice me on stuff, I know she has been through her lows too and she can relate to bits and pieces of what I am going through. 

I really like Ann Osman, not just as as a female fighter but as a person because she is inspirational. 

#3 I am going to learn how to better manage my emotions

Seriously, I am a girl and sometimes I hate that. I have hormones and I can't help it. But I want to try to ditch that crap and stay rational when it comes to life. I don't want to be emotional about things. I will learn to be patient, calm cool and collected. I think I did better now compared to before but I know I can improve. I will not let the little things bug me and for big things, I'll just voice it out professionally when it comes to work. Other things, it doesn't really matter.

#4 Happiness

I think I have kind of crack the code to happiness. I think if you have the ability to lie to yourself, you'll be happy. Serious, feel free to argue with me on this. They say happiness is perspective. In other words, if you see it in a way that is favourable to you, you'll be happier. So you lie to yourself basically.

I read once a story:

You are looking for a carpark desperately. You can't seem to find one. You found one and someone took it. Then you get angry / sad etc etc. But the book teaches us to think positive. Hence, the author advices us to think that God has a reason for us not parking there. There could be better spots elsewhere. 

You create an illusion that they is a better place. So you lie to yourself in believing in something that may or may not be true. But it is at that moment, if you believe in that lie, you will be happier.

Okay, maybe lie is a strong and negative word. And maybe a tad inaccurate. After thinking about it, maybe happiness is the ability to believe in something made up. 

On good days, when I can lie to myself, I feel happier. The downside is that when you start expecting what you believe will happen to happen, you'll get really hurt when it doesn't. So you have to learn how to control expectations and telling enough lies just good enough to survive a hard day. Yea super complicated but I think that's life.

Other ramblings:

Facebook Games

Seriously Facebook game makers - you need to start getting more creative or you will lose your gamers.

Trust

I watched Planet of the Apes the other day and I learned from that movie that the source of war is always due to the distrust among the human race. Take Israel and Palestine for example.

Hence, in any relationship, if there is no trust, there is nothing. So, I am very thankful that I have a few good people that trust me and that I can trust. And I know I do have trust issues. Huge ones. And that is one of the reasons why I never wanted a relationship. I don't want to turn myself into those clingy girlfriends who are so insecure. And, I pity whoever who ends up with me for so many other reasons haha. 

But trust is something so important and if in your life, you have one person whom you can fully trust, you are lucky. Real lucky. 

So I guess it is enough. I can't wait to welcome August because it rhymes with Awesome and it is my month. I will try to keep expectations low.