GOLDEN LIST

Before I lay to rest tonight, I felt like I need record this feeling of gratitude in words - to remind myself that despite all the hormonal craziness and mental instability that I am dealing with now, at the end of everyday, I am a very blessed girl with almost everything a person can hope for.

I have been in the most unlucky situations (trust me, my clumsiness, forgetfulness have gotten me into a lot of different dramatic situations) - and in the toughest times, dealing with a lot of challenges, be it physically, emotional or situational, but at the end of EVERYTHING that I've been through, I just realised that things happened for a reason. I might not know it just yet.

It is weird but I always feel that there's something or someone out there watching over me. Ok, I might complain a little (or a lot) but deep down, I just want You to know that I never blamed anyone or anything for the way my life have turned out. Because really, it has always been worst for so many other people. 

Despite my sorrows and down time, I just want You to know that, I'm still very thankful for every single thing...and most of the time, I still feel loved by You at the end of every day.

Being such a noisy and lame pixie, people might think that I am open and expressive. Well, I am to a certain extend but not when it comes to things that are too serious. And I have a lot of troubles opening up heart-to-heart sometimes (especially when it revolves around feelings, I shudder).

And I always need quiet time to reflect and ponder on the rights and wrongs I did - every single night, which drives me nuts!

And despite the fact that I do not state out everything in my mind, especially my feelings, I am very appreciative of the people around me. They are always there for me no matter what and  some of them try their best to understand and help me. No one will be able to fully understand what I am thinking, but at least, they try to make me happy and help me resolve what seems to be puzzling me. And I truly appreciate that...

And You always make it a point to put people around me to cheer me up and making me feel that there are always a turn on things and there will always be a light.

Today I was brought down by some constructive criticism, and I was stuck with a document.

Another client called and gave me some ideas on how to resolve certain things - and it made me realised how lucky and blessed I am to be working with clients who are that nice and helpful, to a point where he helped and guided me along. He made my day although he didn't know it.

I'm also glad to be working with great people - my bosses, mentors who are always there to guide me and carry me through the toughest challenges. For a staff that complains that much, I think my bosses all have great patience. And they try not to burst my bubble and are often shielding me from the harshest of reality.

For those people who brought me down, I'm thankful that I have such short term memory, to a point where sometimes, I can't remember what happened, or the nasty things that we exchanged in conversation. Just know that I have forgiven, and some things, forgotten even.

I'm thankful for supportive parents - my mum who caters to my every needs and my dad, who is always the one I go to for advice and the one who would be there to tell me that it is alright, to help me learn from all my mistakes, to point out my mistakes and to help me mature into a real adult. Will always remember those late nights and hours spent only on discussing my future and decisions and work - and always explaining to me things about "life" that I won't understand. 

To all these people, I'm indebted to.

And this post is to remind me that no matter what, I will need to repay them one day.

I must not let myself be petty and sad over the minor things in life.  

Recently, I have a decision to make.

And I realise I only have one life - and a good one.

And maybe I need to take a risk, and make a change.

Andrew Matthews wrote that if you are unhappy, you need a change.

I just need to decide what to change - my thoughts, my life or the people around me...

And my choice...

would be..