WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO GET OLDER

The Chinese New Year is just around the corner and the tiger chasing out the ox signifies the greeting of a new year in the Chinese calendar. Unfortunately, the only obvious thing that one can deduce from a start of a new year is that we're getting OLDER. But every new year for me brings chimes of reminders from the people around me; with many people telling me to mature, grow up (not physically because I'm already stunted) and stop being naive. I find it funny because it's a phase I'm going through. I'm maturing as I make all my stupid, idiotic mistakes.

They advise me to be wiser as I'm stepping into the corporate society, a world where nothing is that straightforward. Believe me, I tried but I'm sorry I'm slow and stupid. I really am. But I am trying to learn to be smarter and not making the same mistakes twice. Maybe I just need time to make sense of things...I might be slow but I could and will catch-up sooner or later (I hope).

I've completely forgotten about this song but hearing it again makes me realized the true meaning of this song because now I can relate to it better. Derived from Colbie Caillat's debut album, "Older" is the perfect song to describe my current transition in life.

The stunningly gorgeous Colbie Caillat's has a more mature style-of-writing that delves deeper in words

Colbie Caillat's song "Older" aptly illustrates my feeling about getting OLDER!! ARGH!!

Plus it has such a beautiful melody to it. 

Waited all my life for this day to come
I feel like letting go, life goes on
Wasting no more time
So much to be done
Everything works out
So they say
Over my shoulder, it's tough getting older
Yeah, yeah.......

(Chorus)
Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of grey and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older 

In just a few sentences, the chorus has practically captured everything that has been  bugging my mind after I graduated from LJMU as a student and stepped into the threshold of adulthood.

As we grow, nothing seems straightforward. Nothing can be 100% right or 100% wrong. The lines are so blurred that sometimes you doubt if you had made the right choices or right decisions. If in primary school, we learn that lying is downright wrong, the world of adulthood makes you question if lying is actually wrong. I believe that there are circumstances in which lying is justifiable, but when is a lie justifiable? How do you distinct good and bad when sometimes, you need to play dirty for survival. It's a dog eat dog world out there they say (and I still haven't experience that yet, I don't know if it's a good thing). That's when you have to weigh and you keep thinking and thinking about it...that's when you feel that your shoulders are burdened with these dilemmas of life - with decisions. 

"I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
, Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder"

I feel that I always knew my directions until I get here, it seems like I just can't find my way anymore. I'm still groping and hopefully I will see the light soon. One thing I've learned is that I can't take a shortcut and want things fast. I think I still need to work on patience. Some people reach their destinations sooner but I guess I'm not one of them lucky ones and so, I'll have to learn to bear with it =). But still it's all part of the progress of growing and getting older, ain't it? 

Here before my eyes, many roads ahead
Time for me to choose one way now
If I take a chance
What lies down the road
Feeling so confused, turned round
On and on, on and on
yeah yeah..... 

Aging also means dealing with more decisions and challenges. It's about which road you take and where it will lead you to. That's again something that is bothering me and thinking about all these issues just make my brain circuits all jammed up. It's like you'll sometimes be wondering that if you did things the other way, what would the outcome be. Of course there are moments when you feel that you've made the best decisions out of the circumstance and you wouldn't have done things differently but there are also times when you just don't know, leaving yourself baffled with uncertainties of what are the true definitions of right and wrong decisions.

I've made some stupid career decisions very recently. Many argue that it is wrong...I guess somehow it is wrong but it felt so right that I have no regrets at all. I'm happier now and I'm ready for a new adventure. I know I won't get to my dreams any sooner but who knows right? God has always got a pathway paved. 

So well let's enjoy "Older" while we ponder upon life.

With Lotsa Lurve,

 That was then....

TammyC will be getting her "mojo" back again!