I'M JUST LOOKING FOR A PLACE IN THIS WORLD

I love how I can always relate to Taylor's songs. This is one in particular that I am so feeling right now.

I don't know what I want,

So don't ask me,

'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out,

Don't know what's down this road,

I'm just walking,

Trying to see it through the rain coming down...

Even though I'm not the only one who feels,

The way I do

I am at this part of my life again where I have NO IDEA where I'm heading to or what I'm doing with my life. It's somewhat like a crossroad for me and right now, I'm pretty stuck.

I'm alone,

On my own,

And I'm starting off,

I'll be strong,

I'll be wrong,

Oh but life goes on...

Oh I'm just a girl,

Trying to find a place in this world.

Got the radio on,

My old blue jeans,

And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeves,

Feeling lucky today.

Got the sunshine,

Could you tell what more do I need

And tomorrow's just a mystery...oh yeah,

But that's okay

I am really alone. I guess no matter how I say it, or to whom I say it, I still feel alone in this. Recently, I made a stupid mistake. I huge mistake. It was figuratively fatal to my future. So ya, I'm trying to be strong. People are laughing behind my back I guess. I'm as humiliated as ever because of my own stupidity and my lack of judgement when letting out words of emotions. I should have watch my mouth (or rather, the hands that typed those hurtful remarks).

But, I just want everyone to know, that, even though I meant what I said, I was just a foolish girl who can't control that moment of anger. I'm just a normal girl going through life and learning the curves around it. I'm just trying to find myself and what I love in this complicated world. I'm really feeling alone and lost, especially now that I've stepped into adulthood.

I missed being me, well, at least the me I was two to three years back. I had great times then. Now, my life is a maze that I'm in. And I hate the mistake that I've made; it makes this whole journey much worst for me.

I always try to think positive. Lately, it is just not working for me anymore. I just don't have enough brain cells to churn positive thoughts. Whenever I start to think that things might start to take a turn, the worst possible happen.

Part of me thanks God for everything. I am still grateful for the things I have, the people around me and basically, everything that has happened to me so far were blessings in disguise. This time, I have yet to see the blessing but I'm hanging in there, trying to open my eyes to the wonders that lies ahead of me. I have always been a person who wears her heart on her sleeves, but maybe sometimes, in the real world, that is just not possible.

I will just try to laugh more like I did back then. And just enjoy whatever time I have with the people I love and enjoy hanging out with. I hope the sun will continue to shine on me. I hope and pray that God will continue to watch over me, though I might not be deserving.

I hope one day, I'll find the happiness that I've been searching for.

I hope that I can find a place where I can truly belong and where I'm truly happy - like when I was in TARC and in Liverpool.

For now, I'm just glad that I can drown in my music and my movies. They are my best companions.

p/s: I feel exactly like how Taylor says she feels about getting to her dream career as an artiste. Well, I don't want to sing like her but I definitely want to write like her. I hope that one day, I'll achieve my dreams, just like she did.