FEELING FIFTEEN

Why do I love this song? I love it because it is about how a typical girl will feel at one point in their life. For Taylor, it was when she was fifteen, a time when she feels that love could be everything, a time when she is seeking for directions, a time when she is moving into a new phase in life, all which I can relate to at certain point in life.

Honestly, I'm always slower in maturing. Some teens at twelve are already talking about love, relationships and crushes. Serious and shocking to me personally because when I was twelve, all I think about was Spice Girls. I guess at that time, I just don't think of the boys in class as boyfriend material, maybe because we don't even know what a boyfriend is for. Maybe you don't believe it but me and my friends were actually that naive. That's usually what small town girls like us are I guess. At least I am.

Even when I was fifteen, I never really thought about boys. I guess I am always nerdy in high school (even though I don't wear glasses or act like those typical nerdy girls). Because I didn't get straight As for my UPSR, my Form 1 to 3 years were dedicated to making sure that I do well in PMR. There were some of my classmates who talk about boys and all but I never really was in that gang. I was in the TV-Movie-couch potato gang who talked about TV shows, movies and celebrities and I miss those times.

So if Taylor experience all those stuff at fifteen, I guess I started experiencing that at the age ranging from 17 to 19.

You take a deep breath and walk through the doors it's the morning of your very first day

You say Hi to your friends you ain't seen in awhile

Try to stay out of everybody's way

It's freshman year and you're gonna be here for the 4 years in this town

Hoping one of those senior boys, 

Will wink at you and say "You know I haven't seen you around before"...

At 17, I stepped into college, and my very first day in college was a whole new experience for me. It was the threshold of a whole new phase in my life. Of course my first semester in college wasn't the greatest but I've grown to fall in love with my college and my college buddies over the years. Unlike Taylor, I didn't expect any senior boys to wink at me. I mean, I can't deny that at 17, a girl will tend to notice boys more, but then at 17, I still wasn't desperate for guy's attention yet. I still believe I have plenty of time to slowly choose my perfect guy (as usual, the dreamer's mentality).

My next phase in life was the transaction to Advanced Diploma. If previously there were five broadcast classes, Advanced Diploma had combined all the broadcast students into one class. For me, this is one of the best things that happened in my life because this was how I began getting closer to some of my closest friends like YY and Lydia. And diverting my attention on guys, this time, my attention was drawn to a senior, not because of his good looks or whatever great qualities but because my close friend YY kept diverting my attention to his "laid back" attitude. It is true. He always does crazy stuff and does serious things so matter-a-factly. Like once, we had to do a mock meeting as presentation and this is an important presentation as it will contribute to our coursework marks. I mean, of course everyone is doing things at their best, but this dude was like tilting his chair and sucking his sweet during presentation. He was quite entertaining to a certain extend.

So who is this dude? He's now a close friend of mine, YC. You ponder back on your first impression of these people and you really can't believe it is them, because at that time, you barely know them. It's interesting because I think I never thought of YC as the person I know him now back then.

Then came UK. I think UK was another transition in my life where I became close to five beautiful girls whom I never really talk to in class. I know they were brilliant and extremely kind, but I never really communicated with them for there wasn't really any need to. UK brought them closer to me and I am so glad to have them as my flatmates who had supported me through the adversities of assignments in Liverpool. JT and Wei Sin also became extremely close buddies of mine in Liverpool. I guess they were also my back-bone when I was extremely down, especially due to assignment stress. OH and UK was really the time when I seriously hoped that a guy would wink at me and say "I haven't seen you around before" haha...I mean, they are all so good-looking. I can't help it okay~ I seriously can't control my eyes. But I guess everyone know I have the biggest puppy crush on my lecturer Andrew. Erm but then, practically every girl in the course has a thing for him.

The five ladies and me. They are the ones who made sure I had enough food. 

You sit in class next to redhead named Abigail and soon enough your best friends,

Laughing at the other girls, 

Who think their so cool, 

Gotta get out of here as soon as we can

This I got to relate back to the days when I was 14...I met my best friend in Form Two, when I, well didn't exactly sit next to her, but rather, in front of her. Jee Yin was the best thing that happened to me in MGS. She was the one who I can talk to then about most anything and everything.

I enjoyed MGS days because of her. And really, we talked about those other girls (who we don't get and their arrogant, 'cool' antics) and really hoping to get out of there as soon as we can. I never liked high school. I guess maybe I don't feel the bond with my school and the other students there. With college it was different. My whole bunch of college friends, especially those in Advanced Diploma, are a huge part of me now. Some of them in fact are very important to me. I guess in some ways, I think I enjoy TARC so much because of these friends of mine.

And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car and you're feeling like flying

And your mama's waiting up

And you're thinking he's the one...

And you dance around the room, when the night ends..

Never felt this way before, because I've never been on a real date before, so I don't know. But I'm really hoping that one day I could feel this way about someone and then I could dance around my room just thinking about my first date.

'Cause when you're fifteen,

Somebody tells you they love you,

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen and your first kiss makes your world spin round

In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on your football team

I guess I was never the girl who want to be completely dependent on a guy. I guess even though as I grow up, part of me wants to be crazily in love, I still have a principle that I cannot depend on the guy 100% (could be one reason why people think I like dominating everything). 

In some ways I lack faith in relationships and that's why I've always believed that as a girl, my goal would be to achieve success in my career but not to date as many hot guys as I can. But then again, maybe the fact that I was never popular among guys is the reason I think that way. 

But then I think for a girl, they'll usually believe whatever their first love say, whether or not they are 15 or older. I guess I always wanted to be this strong, independent girl, but even so, I can't be 100% sure that when I fall head over heels with a guy, I won't be stupid and naive to believe everything he say. I know there are times when one will be blinded by love. Personally, I've never been there before, but I have seen a few people who have been. You might call them stupid, but then I guess when the cupid is working its magic on you, you can't control it, can you?

And Abigail gave everything she has to a boy who changed his mind

We both cried...

This, I don't know why is my favourite verse in the song. When I hear this part, it touches my heart and I feel kinda sad. I guess it reminds me of all the girls who gave their hearts out, loving a guy, only to be let down. How devastating...and exactly what I fear most.

All these phases in life made me treasure my friends more and of course helped me gain experience as a youth who is growing up and maturing into the world. Basically, I think that is the essence of the song. It doesn't mean that you have to be fifteen to be feeling what Taylor feel, but I think many of us have to a certain extend gone through these emotions.

I hope you enjoy this song as much as I do.